Mason Update

    Its been a year since Mason's last surgery. If your just tuning in you may want to go back here  and catch up. anyway as I was about to say, I am so proud of each new milestone he achieves and have been so blessed to be his mother. We've been going through the last year just fine, I've been enjoying my duties as wife and mother. My kids are doing wonderful, making new friends and learning new things. I didn't have anything cleft, palate, surgery, hospital, pain on my mind. I was smooth sailing. a few days ago I received a letter from Kaiser advising me Mason has his 1 year follow up appointment in 2 weeks. I started to feel less "happy go lucky", I began to feel my stomach twist and turn and noticed sweat above my brows. I guess it was kind of like a Reality Check, like someone teasing me and chanting "ha! your not done yet" or "its not over". I'm usually a pretty positive person so I was surprised at how I was feeling. I took a deep breath, put on my smile and instead of sweeping those ugly thoughts under the rug, I let let wander in my mind.  
     Do you ever just continue to go on like everything is peachy, but for some reason feel a little unsettled? I do. Not often thought because I try to figure out whats bugging me and how I can make a change with God's help. I should have prayed right when I got that letter and asked God for his endless strength that he his never to selfish or busy to loan me. But I didn't.
Now I am big believer in "everything happens for a reason".
    Today I had a friend ask how am I not so angry with all that has happened to Mason. My friend has a child who has some health issues and was feeling all the things I used to feel. When I read the message I just started to cry. It was as if a plethora of emotions was circling my body. I remember how I felt so hopeless, so sad, so angry and bitter. I remember feeling resentful and so lost. As I thought about my answer to the question I began to weep even more tears. This time it was tears of joy! I felt so grateful to not feel those old feelings.
      The best way to answer that question is "because of my Faith in God". God has brought me out of so much. he has restored me, my marriage, my and my family. Because of his faithfulness I am able to trust that everything WILL be okay. I don't hope I know. Masons cleft has been a blessing in disguise. Through Masons issues I have learn to become a better person, better wife, mother and friend. It has taught me to appreciate all the little things I took for granted, like drinking from a straw and being able to chew my food without it all coming out of my nose. This was a hard and painful lesson but I have came through alright. Mason is my miracle, he is proof that Miracles do happen. Mason has done so much the doctors said he would not be able to do and that alone gives me hope that greater things can and will come. He can sip from a straw, he has started to talk, and his hearing is great (selective but working).
 Our journey is no where near its end but making it this far has taught me I can make it one more day. I had to stop being selfish and and angry because it was taking away from the joy of this precious child.
    As a parent you never want to see your child hurt, scared, sad and heart broken, I know I would take his place if I could. I have finally come to the understanding that things are going to happen outside of my control. I may not know why or understand why BUT I know I was chosen for this special task of Being Mason's Mommy. I will wear that title proud and with honor. I am not going to let the enemy scare me or try and fill me with doubt.
     One of the best things to come out of Mason having a cleft lip and palate is the awareness it has brought to family and friends.

Enjoy your blessing!
xo Chris