Not all toddlers are curious, rambuncious, aggressive, rough, excited, hyper, mishcevious, sweet, or silly. My son is, he is a 2 1/2 year old boy. ALL BOY. This kid rarely fears anything. He is rough, he is rough even when he is trying to be gentle, thats just who he is. My son is also a smart, loving caring child. He may not show it all the time but I have never heard a kid say "are you okay" or "aw whats the matter boogie shoogie" or “I want to make you happy mommy” more than my 2 year old does. Some times he forgets what a sweet kid he is and lets his wild side take over. I don't make excuses for my son but I do try my best to understand him, his feelings, his thoughts and actions. Being a parent is a very, very hard job. I've been a parent for almost 5 years and it hasn't gotten any easier, there is always something to be learned along the way.
Being a boy or kid for that matter does not excuse any poor behavior, but those old school prases I started out with shoul have some effect on how we react to children's behavior.
There are many different types of parenting styles. There is the "Strict Parent" who runs a tight ship and is wound up so tight anything will set them off. There is the "old school parent" who will knock you out if you look at them the wrong way. There is the "I want to be my childs friend" parent, pretty much self explanitory. There is the "hippie parent" who think children can fingure out everything on their own, so therefore do not need boundries or rules. I mean I can go on and on about the many different types of parents. We all have a unique approach in child rearing, that is the great thing about being a parent. We get to raise our children how we choose to, not how anyone else wants us to. I took some of the good from my parents, left out the bad, threw in some new stuff, and it works for me.
Because my son is a little more crazier than others I need to be a little more strict and watch out for him more. But regarless of what he does, I always remember he is 2 years old. He is a kid.
Now I know there are some who see him as a "bad boy", but he is not. It really hurts me as a parent when other people talk badly about my child. I mean are you serious he is just a baby. Would you like some one to treat your child the way you treat mine? Would you like someone to yell at your child or make them feel like they are a bad kid? I hope all of your answers are NO.
I grew up with a single mom, who had a TON of support. It was not uncommon for my aunts, uncles, or church friends to put me in time out, tell me to behave, or discipline me. So I have always been ok with others correcting my son in a positive and loving way. I can't remember once as a child having one of my loved ones yell at me or discipline me out of anger. They were always gentle and loving. I think that is the way it should be. If my kid is misbehaving, as an adult you should be able to calmly tell him to stop or remove him from the situation, but you need to do it with love. If you don't you are just plain mean, maybe not in my eyes but in a childs eyes you are.
When your kids tells you a certain adult is mean and that that adult does not like them, how would that make you feel? I'll tell you how it made me feel, I felt like a horrible mother, I felt that I failed to make sure he was in good company with people who would treat him with kindness and respect. With all this bullying going in its important that we raise our children to feel confident and know we are always here for them.
I did not do that with my boy, I took him around people who I wanted to be around. I did not take his feelings into consideration. I’m not one to let me kid control me, but as a mom I could have tried better to understand what he was feeling.
Don't get me wrong, I’m the first person who will give you permission to correct my children, but I should have made it clear that with that authority does not grant permission to be unkind. I guess I just expected that as adults and as mothers ourselves, we would treat other children how we would want ours to be treated. I guessed wrong.
I have never hurt another’s child, even in correcting I do it with love and in a way to make sure the child does not feel I am hurting them. There have been times when I may have not liked another parent or they didn’t like me, but never did that influence how I treated the children. There was a time when Dustin was being bullied, the childs mom was so mean to Dustin. Regarless of my feelings towards her I always kept my cool with that child. I treated that like all the other children and I tried to have Dustin do the same.
When Dustin misbehaves I make him apologize right away and he gets punished. I try to wait till we get home so I won’t make him uncomfortable infront of others, but none the less he is disciplines.
I know as parents we have that “Mama Bear” instinct and that is a great thing to have when it coems to protecting our children. But sometimes we need to lighten up and not take everything a child does to our child so darn personally. THEY ARE KIDS!!
I remember a kid throwing a rock at me, I remember people pushing me in line, throwing sand at the park, throwing gum in my hair, taking a toy from me, not sharing with me, I mean I think all of us have lived through that and if your reading this than you survived…Right? It does not mean that all of those examples are right and/or good beahavior, but I goes to show that kids do stuff like that. I mean even Santa has a NAUGHTY and NICE list. Naughty always comes before nice in most Christmas songs, that just goes to show that generations past understood kids will misbehave. Snowball fights are they naught or nice? Hopefully you catch my drift.
You may be saying “oh but you don’t understand”, “Your child wasn’t the one that was hit/hurt” ,“my child didn’t do anything” or “But he is older than my child”. To you I say this, my child has been hit by another child, my child has experienced a child not sharing with him, my has been picked on my an older child, my child has been the innocent party. I chose to address each situation with a kind heart. There have been times when my child was hurt pretty bad, and boy did I wan’t to not only beat that kid who hurt my baby but their mama for giving birth to a kid who would do such a thing, but I knew that that was wrong and that it was just my emotions getting the best of me. I knew I had to take a breath and remember children do these kinds of things.
I’ve made my kid apologize even when he was defending himself, so I am all about discipline and teaching kids bad behavior is not acceptable.
When Dustin was a about one he went through a biting stage, he bite about 3 kids. I remember we were at Ashley’s house and him and his buddy Hunter were playing on a box, Dustin bit Hunter. Poor Hunter cried and his mommy picked him up and consoled him, I was mortified, I felt so bad for Hunter, I knew how much Dustin loved him and could not believe he would hurt is friend. I was so furious at Dustin and began to over apologize to Ashley and Hunter, I assured them he would be in time out and at that point I wanted to bite him. I will never forget Ashley’s reaction. I know a part of her was upset that her baby boy had just been bitten, but she rubbed Dustin’s face with a loving had and said in a sweet soft voice “Duhh stin, we don’t bite”. She then told me it was ok ant not to worry, she said look they are kids this happens, I’m sure when Hunter gets more teeth he will bite someone". LOL .
It was about that moment that I realized, you know Ashley is right. Kids are kids, they do things they are not supposed, they may even hurt another kid, but that is no reason to make them feel like an outlaw. Thank you Ashley for never making Dustin feel like a bad kid and for always doing your best to understand him and for taking your time with him. We all know he adores you but you have no idea what it means to me as his mother.
So I leave you with this :
Just because they are young does not mean they don't have feelings, does not mean they don't get embarressed, it doesn't mean they know right from wrong. But you know what being a kid does mean? It means they are figuring it out as they go along (kinda like us), they are learning to understand what is right and what is not, they are learning to interact with different people and different temperaments all while trying to figure out life and learn about themselves. Can we PLEASE give them a break?
Xo,
chris
Bullying is NOT cool, especially when "you should know better".
