9.24.2010

Building my family




My son. I just love him so much. Never could I imagine how much I would be able to love one lil boy. He is my sunshine. He is crazy, rambunctious and a total "Boy" but that's just who he is.
As you know, I have always wanted to be a mother. I come from a HUGE family. Seriously, I have 5 brothers, one sister, 8 uncles, 10 aunts and bout 50 cousins. So of course I figured starting a family would be easy. WRONG!!!
There is one person in my family who is barren. She stopped getting her period in her late teens and has never been able to have a child. I just could not imagine that thought. But then that was my reality. Yep, I stopped getting my period at about 18 years old. We did test after test after test and the results were all the same. I would not be able to have a child without help from fertility treatments (IVF) because I was not producing eggs. Ugh. I was crushed. When Art and I were married, we decided we would adopt. He is adopted so what a great thing for us to do. Inside I knew he was hurt, being adopted makes you long for a family of your own 1oox more than the average person. I was devastated, I was his wife and I knew I would not be able to give him a family. My dreams of being a wife and mom were crushed! Meanwhile my my siblings were popping out babies left and right. I was thrilled to be a "Tia" but sad that I would not know that feeling of being mom. Our pastor knew how hurt we were and he told us to have faith. He also told us to Read Isaiah 54 " Sing, barren women, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all these childbearing women. God says so! Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Ring, Ring, Ring... We get a call from my sister in law in WA. Our niece and nephew have been taken into foster care and she would like us to take them. We talked and prayed about it and decided to try to get the kids to CA. The first condition was we would need to move from our cozy one bedroom to at least a 2 bedroom. So we did, moved next door to a big 2 bedroom 2 bath in May. Our rent went up $500. Within 2 weeks we completed everything we need, background, home study and all that good stuff. Well, we did one of the things God said, we ENLARGED OUR TENT, MADE OUR HOME BIGGER. We finally got them in November. They were tossed around to a new home about every 3 weeks until they came to us. Jasmine was 5, long matted hair, dingy clothes and no joy in her whatsoever. Nicholas (Nico) was a CHUBBY 10 months old with a laugh that lasted days! WoW. Art & I were singing to the Heavens, we were so happy to get a chance to parent. Boy was it hard. Nico has attachment and anger issues and Jasmine was a wounded soul. Our family was great, we loved them, cared for and nurtured them. because we were obedient God blessed us with not one, but 2 children. Our home seemed to be getting smaller with all of the stuff the kids were accumulating. So we moved into a bigger place in Anaheim hills. we were there about a month and I was feeling horrible. I was tired, had headaches, massive body aches and Art said "Babe your pregnant" I was so mad at him because he knew that was impossible. How could he be so insensitive to me? I took a test a it was positive. WHAT!? I was mad a the makers of the pregnancy test because they can't play games on people like that...So I went to the Dr. and took a blood test. Positive. WHAT!? They need to talk with their lab workers, about correctly taking blood test. I just knew it couldn't be. My husband and mom reminded me with a scripture Mark 10:27 (KJV) ...With men it is impossible, but not with God, for with God all things are possible!"
They were right! With God all things are possible and I was PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My niece and nephew were thriving with us, and their mom was in and out of the picture. We heard rumors she was doing ok. Jasmine started having major behavioral issues. Things went from bad to worse and she had to leave our home almost a year to the date from when she came. Nico was another story, that boy was so smart, happy, and just WONDERFUL. He was born a drug baby and thank God he showed no signs of delay, he beat the odds. He was advanced for his age and he loved to learn. Wow, I thought to myself, I have a wonderful son who I have raised since birth and I will be having another son. Life is good. I am a wife and a Mom :)
As time went on we heard Nico may be leaving to his moms, but federal law say after 18 months in foster care a child under 3 needs to be placed in a home for adoption. By the 24 month in foster care that child needs to be adopted. YAY!!! He would be ours. it was already passed 18 months and they told us it was not likely he would be going back we were so excited!!! My miracle baby Dustin was born on March 5, 2009. Nico took pride in being a big brother!! He loved Dustin so much, he looked forward to helping with his feedings, and just playing with his little brother. Nico had such a gentle spirit and Dustin could sense it. At the end of April we received a call saying Nico may be leaving to go with his birth mom because is 24th month in Foster care is up, and they don't want his biological mom to loose custody. Not because she was ready or would be a good parent but because his time was almost up to be adopted. We PRAYED and PRAYED and PRAYED. That somehow God will let us have him. A few weeks went by and we heard nothing. YAY!!! He will be ours! WRONG AGAIN.
His mother would be coming down may 3rd to visit and bond with him for 1 week. Then they would leave May 10th. She came down and he wasn't to happy. You have to know, he was 2 1/2 at this time and had med her a total of may 10 times. he was taken away at 4 months old and moved with us at 10 months. We were his parents and the only family he has ever know. Dustin was just 2 months old, and I was still hormonal. I cried EVERYDAY. I cried when I woke Nico in the morning and when I put him to bed. I was loosing my child. He was mine. I was so angry, I was angry at my husband because he could make him stay, I was angry at the system because they treated him like a pet. I was angry at God because I didn't understand, how he could do this to me. 2 days before he left, I was feeding Dustin and I broke down, I told Nico how much we love him and how he will always have my heart. He took my face in both of his lil hand and said
"No worry bout me mama, I otay" and kissed me.
Wow. That had to have been God, because peace like that isn't natural. We said goodbye on May 10, 2009. 15 days before he would have been ours forever. He grabbed his bag, put Elmo in his stroller and pushed it through the airport doors. What a brave lil boy. Art & I got in our truck and boy did we cause a flood. Our hearts were broken and would never be the same because a 2 1/2 year on a plane to Washington had a big piece of our heart with him.
Wake up call!!! Nico showed us how to be parents. Not many people get the chance to practice being parents, and Nico gave that to us, so we could be our best for Dustin. I am forever grateful to that Lil boy. Today we are still healing but our hearts are not broken and the joy of the Lord is our strength. I have a beautiful son that is mine, and I am pregnant with my second son!!!
God is good!!!

3 comments:

  1. Your story has brought tears to my eyes. It's a true shame how the "system" works. I hope and pray that Nico is doing well--do you ever get updates about him? He will forever have you in his heart. What a sweet, sweet boy.

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  2. I forget all that we went through. When I was writing I was balling my eyes oout! He is doing great. He is growing and his mom sends us pictures. She has been working really hard and is doing a great job as a mother :)

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  3. That is so nice to hear things are going well!!!

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