Baby Mason

Most of you know I am about 7 months pregnant with another son. We will name him Mason. We haven't figured out a middle name and are open to suggestions :)
Finding out we were actually pregnant was like a dream come true. If you read the blog about building my family, you know all the issues we have with pregnancy. When Art and I were in our fantasy world we decided we wanted our kids close in age, so they would grow up close. After I was blessed with Dustin, I didn't think I would have another child, especially not so soon. Art was really wanting another child and I was warming up to the idea with caution, I did not want to be disappointed and hurt.
Around Febuary or March our church took an offering for chairs. They asked to purchase a chair for each member in your family. Well God put it on Art's heart to buy 4, I was like HELLO babe there is only 3 of us! He told me he was just being obedient.
In April Art was on a mission's in the Philippines, I found out I was pregnant. WOW!! I was so excited and could not wait to tell him. He was right. being obedient really pays off. When I told him he was so happy he was in tears!! Once we were both home, I made my appointments and was looking forward to a different experience than with Dustin. I just knew this would be the pregnancy I always wanted. Happy, fun, and enjoyable.
We had our first ultrasound on April 15, 2010, by my date I should have been 8 weeks. The dr. could not see the baby. mmmm. That's odd, she said. "There is a sac, but no baby". A week later I went to do a formal ultrasound and guess what "No Baby"... Okay, now I am freaking out. they told me it could be because I was so early in pregnancy, but I told them I saw Dustin at 8 weeks. I went to the Dr. 2 days later and she did not see a baby or a heartbeat, fear took over me, I was so lost. She told me to come back the next day after blood work and we will see if my hormone levels are up. I went back and same thing, no baby no heartbeat, also no test results. She finally told me that she was 99% sure the my body had aborted the baby. I was devastated, I knew this pregnancy was a miracle and God would not take this gift from me. Art comforted me and our family & church family really interceded for us. When I went back 2 days later to discuss my results, she did one last ultrasound to prove the baby was gone, and guess what "THERE WAS A BABY!!! THERE WAS A HEARTBEAT!!!" Joy began to exude from every pore in my body.!! Praise GOD!!! We were thrilled!!!
I had pretty bad morning sickness with this pregnancy, I couldn't even get outta bed. So much for a 'different' pregnancy. Regardless of the sickness, and pain, I was so thrilled to be having this baby.
I went for my formal ultrasound on July 19 and we were going to find out the sex :)
The ultrasound was strictly business, very uncomfortable, and it took a lot longer than normal. I just wanted to know what I was having and get outta there. She brought Art in to tell us the sex but the first thing he asked was "is everything OK, you guys are taking long?". She didn't bother to answer the question. She asked if we were ready to know the sex of the baby... It's a Boy! I was expecting and wanting a girl. Art on the other hand was happy to start his baseball team. A week later I was at a good friends house and I got a phone call from my Dr. I knew something was wrong. She informed me I had placeta previa, and that normally she would not worry, but my placenta was so low, she was afraid it might delivery itself, causing early labor and hemorrhage. I was to go "light duty" to say the least. Then she told me something I was not expecting. She said the ultrasound showed my baby has a Cleft Lip/Pallet. I must have misunderstood her, because I told her that could not be. She told me we would do another ultrasound with a specialist and meet with a genetics counselor. I broke down, "Why, Why God, Why my baby". My friend prayed with me and assured me I would be okay. She entertained Dustin while I called Art & text my mom and close friend to keep the baby in prayer. I decided I would research cleft lip/palate and I was in disbelief that my miracle baby could be born with something like that. Then as I read on I realized how hard it is to feed a baby with a cleft, also the surgeries he would have to endure are numerous. I was lost again. I did the only thing I knew how to do, I prayed and I cried. We went for our follow up ultra sound and sure enough it was confirmed that. The dr. said 2-4% of babies are born defective. DEFECTIVE, like a toy from that store that was made wrong?? REALLY??? How did I make a wrong baby?? I was crushed. I did find out that there was no sign of Placenta Previa :) I was healed from that, and that in itself is a blessing. But my baby my poor baby. Out of everyone in my family I did not poke fun at or tease people. I always defended the under dogs, I always showed loved and acceptance. One time in 7th grade I was mean to a girl, but I was convicted so fast I went to her in tears asking for her foriveness. How would I protect him from mean people, how would I handle seeing him sewed and bloody in arm restraints. How would I help him with his speech and vocabulary, I couldn't. I told my self that this was something I may not be able to handle, because I dont know how to. Meeting with the genetic counselor was a joke. We decided against amneo, because we were not going to abort our son or give him up for adoption. My genetics test were awesome, most women my age have a 1 in 1,000 chance to have a baby with some kind of genetic disorder, my chances were 1 in over 10,ooo. So Why, why me? Slowly Art and I were coming to terms with this, we are believing for a miracle but have decided to educate ourselves as much as possible so than we can be everything Mason needs. My friend April was sharing a with me about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.(Daniel 3) King Nebuchadnezzer wanted them to worship him and his God, when they refused he threatened to throw them in the fiery furnace. The three men were not afraid and they told the King, "Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from he fiery furnace". They told him that even thought their God was capable of saving them and chose not to they would still praise him. I realized that my god is able to heal my baby and if he doesn't I will still praise him. I know that he will not give me more than I can handle and that he will give me the strength i need to endure this. I looked at my situation in a whole new light. I remembered that God had already brought me through so much, he gave me peace when we lost Nico, he gave me a son and was giving me another son, he saved us from the fire (that's another story). We had a 3d/4d ultra sound done about 3 weeks ago to see if the diagnosis was correct and to give me an idea of what to expect. Nothing physical has changed, my son still has cleft lip/pallet, but I am at peace. I now know I can handle this situation. I know it will be rough along the way, I know it will be hard trying to feed him, it will be hard seeing him go through many surgeries, but I have peace. I am thankful, he doesn't have down syndrome, heart problems, missing, limbs and many of the other things parents have to deal with on a daily basis. My son Mason is a blessing, and he is still a miracle baby to me. I will help him get through this, I will raise him to be confident, self sufficient, gentle, kind, and to be a productive member of society. God doesn't make mistakes and this is an experience I will learn from and be able to help others. This is all apart of my testimony and what makes me me. I always wondered why Dustin was so tough and rambunctious, now I know its because God made him that way. God knew Mason would need a strong loving protective brother. Yes, I am still praying and believing for something miraculous to happen, but if it doesn't we will be OK. We will still be great parents and love our son just as if there was nothing wrong. He is my baby, we made him.
So I would really appreciate your prayers and for you to be sensitive to this. I don't want people feeling sorry for us, because there is nothing to be sorry about. But it would be great to teach your kids how be kind and loving and to accept and respect others that are different.
xo Chris