A year ago today I was a month away from my due date with Mason. I was not happy, I was not grateful to be carrying him inside me. I mean I loved the baby that i was carrying but it wasn't the same as my first pregnancy. I was so full of anger and bitterness. Most of all I was afraid. I was afraid of the unknown. How would I handle a baby with a cleft lip & palate? How will others treat him? HOW WILL I TREAT HIM? Will he look funny? Are people going to feel sorry for him, for me? What did I do to deserve this? I let my anger get to me and then I started to doubt, my faith was almost out the door. What did I do that was so bad that God felt he had to give me a baby who was per the geneticist a "defect". This punishment really sucked.
Fast forward 11 months, and boy am I so grateful to be Mason's mommy. I am grateful that Mason is healthy and despite all he goes through he is still a champ. I am grateful to have a son with a cleft lip and cleft palate because I was able to learn and understand what others go through who face this. I am grateful because this experience has not only taught me but so many others how to be compassionate and kind. I am grateful because people LOVE Mason. I am grateful because I really don't care what others think. I am grateful for the big smile I get each day from this lil guy. Mason is such a mommas boy, he really loves me and I am grateful for that. Mason can only say one word and its "mama", I grateful for that too!!.
Of course I repented and by the time Mason came I had peace and joy and nothing but love for him! I really can't imagine not having him as my son. When I was pregnant Sandra a friend from church told me she had a dream about Mason. She told me that she seen this little boy who was so handsome and who glowed when he smiled. She said it was Mason , and he was so happy, and where ever he walked people were smiling and so happy to see him. She then told "Christina, don't worry about how he is going to look, he is going to be so handsome and have such a love that people will be drawn to him". Thank you Sandra, you were right. Mason is filled with so much love and joy. He has made me a MUCH better person. I am still not perfect and I have a lots of refining left, but boy has my heart changed. I now know God was punishing me with Mason, he was giving me the best gift I could have ever imagine. Not only was I blessed with this perfect sweet lil boy but I had renewed faith. I truly believe Mason was sent to me so I can truly know and understands just how much God loves me.
I appreciate all of you that stood by me when this was going on, and I thank you all for accepting Mason and for loving him.
xo
Chris
Christina,
ReplyDeleteWhen I had noticed that you were my newest follower to "Mommy & Me Creations", I knew I had to come and thank you for supporting me. But then I saw your blog post, and knew I had to say something. Not only thank you for supporting my blog, but thank you for sharing your story about your son.
I was born with a cleft lip and palate too. It was really hard for my mom, she'd cry a lot. She also told me that when I'd cry in pain from my surgeries, she'd cry along with me because she had felt so helpless. She told me that by the time I was 2, I had already gone through 4 major surgeries to reconstruct my mouth. But because I had those surgeries, I didn't have a lot of people making fun of or poking fun at me. When they did, it hurt a lot because there wasn't anything I could do but just let their comments not effect how I would live my life. I remember spending a lot of my first few years in speech therapy, and having a few speech problems. But I don't regret having speech therapy done because I wouldn't be able to speak as clearly as I do now. Most doctors have to take a second look at my mouth and face before noticing that I've had a cleft lip and palate. They even comment on how clearly I speak. I've gone through a lot of braces, retainers, and had pieces of bone taken of two areas of my body to reconstruct my mouth. It every single bit of it HURT. But with the way my teeth and mouth look now, it's been so worth all of the pain that I've had to go through. The only thing that seemed to help me get through it all was knowing that my parents were there to take care of me and show that they cared.
Growing up, I dreaded the thought of me having a baby with a cleft lip and palate. I'm now a mother of two little girls, both of which do not have any "birth defects".
All I can do is share my story with you, and hope encourage you to show your love and support to your son for when he's not feeling well or down. Because that's what pulled me through, and become the person that I am now.
Thanks again for sharing your story and supporting me!
Jacque :)
Thank you Jacque! Your word mean a lot and remind me to continue to stay strong and make sure I do my best to raise Mase to be a confident, smart, and kind person. LOVE LOVE LOVE your blogs :) thanks for sharing all of your fun ideas!
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